Thursday, November 15, 2007

BODY LANGUAGE OF A WOMAN - the tale tale signs that she's interested in YOU!!

Meet a woman you like? Attracted to? Wonder how she feels? Is she interested? Flirtatious? Not interested? Disgusted?

DISCLAIMER: Not 100% true all the time, there will be times where these rules will not be fitting with the situation. Use your judgement wisely.

Your body speaks a language on its own. Without realizing the way you sit, how you place or move your fingers/hands, legs, and posture reveal volumes about you. More specifically, what you are feeling, thinking, and if you are aroused/interested in external stimuli (in this case men!) Most are not aware or attuned with how their body moves and what signal it omits to others. You want to be completely in control, aware of the movement and message you are sending, because men are quite quick on interpreting a woman’s body language. You must remember it only takes 30 seconds to read body language. One secret of body language is manipulating your body to give or hide signals you don’t want others to read. IE. Which messages you want ‘him’ to read and receive, giving you the upper hand and control. (Something we women love!)

This blog is about the signs women give off subconsciously without being aware their body is speaking volumes about their interest and sexual desire/intention.

Ever been to a bar, seen a hot girl, wondered – Is she flirting??
Women almost always give physical tips about their level of interest in men. You all know the most common body language gestures: Twirling hair, tossing hair and leg crossing, but I will discuss a few others.

Let’s begin with twirling hair. It is flirty, cute and depending on the eyes seductive, but it can also suggest nervousness. A lot of girls have long hair, it is very sensual and sexually appealing for men, because men don’t have long hair…AND it is a tease = covering the nape or breasts. Nevertheless, short hair is perceived as confident, strong, dominate and powerful! Now, let’s talk about colors!!! Different colors give off different vibes. I.e. red heads are perceived as fire-y, passionate, sexual. Brunettes are taken more seriously and seen as classy. Blondes, well we all know the answer to that… Blondes have more FUN: D
Hair tossing is another form toying, but it can mean she is nervous (fumbling with her fingers, to keep herself from looking nervous…) or she’s preening herself – drawing attention “LOOK AT MEE!!! – In a subtle way of course (i.e. showing of her sexy mane or a long sleek neck). Now, let’s move on to one of my favourite – Leg Crossing.

Ladies unconsciously cross and uncross their legs when they are anxious, nervous or stimulated. When females do this, it means the person they are talking to gets their attention good or bad you will see later on. Leg crossing can be a nervous or a provocative gesture. It is a dead giveaway to the guy that she is deliberately trying to get his focus on her legs. This gives him enough power to take control, have the upper hand. But it can also turn him on so ultimately, taking away his power.
There are many styles to crossing legs.
- ankle cross
- knee cross
- figure four (ankle on opposite knee = mostly males do this)
- wrap around (whether using a chair leg, a shoe)

If you are on her left and she is sitting beside you, she will cross her right leg over – turning her body towards you, drawing attention to you.
If she is sitting in front of you, she will cross her legs directly forward with her toe pointed outward.
If she is sitting with her legs crossed around her ankles, she is being shy, yet conservative, meaning you have not yet grabbed her attention, she might be interested but isn’t stimulated.
If she is sitting with her legs apart, she is inviting you in (sexually she wants you)
If she is touching her legs, or her thighs she is trying to draw your attention those areas, because eyes will always follow movement.
If she has her legs crossed and her hands holding on to her legs... BEWARE she is warning you not to proceed. She is guarding her body (evidently her space)

IMPORTANT: Take note on where the toe is pointing, and how the shoe is sitting on the foot.
If she is facing you and she crosses her legs tow pointing towards you, that’s a good inclination she is interested in you.
If her shoe is coming off, or she is bouncing it, it’s a good indication she is aroused and sexually attracted to you.
If she is looking at you but her foot is pointing in a different direction, chances are you are not the target of her desire or interested.
If she is looking at you, her shoe is bouncing but her arms are crossed, or on her knees she is aggravated, frustrated, or just plain not interested... CAUTION... back off.

** A big key point ** whether you are a man or woman – the direction your foot is pointing always gives away who you are really interested in. So if you are talking to a bunch of girls and your face and posture is leaning to one girl but your feet to another, chances are you aren’t that interested in the one you are talking to.

Eyes are the # 1 contact two people connect through. Eyes already convey messages to others, messages ranging from curiosity to desire and fascination. I.e. When you interlock eyes, it gives off the meaning... YOU out of everyone in the room got my attention. YOU are the most fascinating person in this room. But it can also be too bold of a move. I.e. Some females might not like the frontal (facing you) bold eye contact, creates intimidation. Men might not like the too forward behaviour either – but that’s how you know they aren’t the right target for you.
There are different gazes females do.
- stare look away and stare again --- I’m interested come pursue me
- stare straight and directly without budging --- I’m bold and confident and I want you
- stare and look away --- I’m not interested in you

CHECKING out guys
- If she connects with your eyes (gaze) then looks at your feet slowly seductively moving up focusing on they hips, sex organs and again moving up to your head and back down to your eyes.. you can be sure she’s definitely interested in you – sexually or otherwise.
- If she connects with your gaze (eyes) and then looks up to your hair FIRST then slowly moving down to your feet, she’s not really impressed.
- If she looks at your eyes, then your lips – very simple - she wants to kiss you!

ARMS When a woman crosses her arms over her chest, it can telegraph the message that she's vulnerable and sensitive or even annoyed/frustrated. Furthermore, based on her facial structure she may like her privacy, space or she isn’t very confident, as she might like to come across. Much like legs, arm crossing shouts IM NOT INTERESTED to a guy. However, crossing arms also draws attention to breasts; it’s sexual and primitive, a gesture of sexual anticipation. Breasts – sex – men.
Now let’s discuss leaning - this ties into your posture and how a female leans towards a male. I.e. leaning across forward toward you (fellas), weather you are sitting or standing, shows interest and acceptance. CAUTION: Lean too much and it gives away too much information. Same with leaning away, it tells him you find him repulsive, so much so that you don’t want to be near him. NEVERTHELESS, on an odd occasion leaning away can mean SHE is SOO attracted to you that she has to turn away.

When we are aroused (males and females) we get excited and our lips and mouth get dry. That’s why we lick our lips. SO MEN take notice lip licking is a PLUS. It conveys the message very clearly, very sexy and overtly. It is a slow, sultry swipe along the tips of the lips with the tip of the tongue. Another example of this is when females put on lipstick, lip gloss or lick a Popsicle. This is also perceived as “lets go have sex” because of the suggested tongue - lick action. SO females use this with caution to not convey the wrong message.

------------- SEXUAL AROUSAL AT ITS PEAK is flared nostrils. Doesn’t matter male or female if the person’s nostrils are flaring it means he/she has the hots for you.

The problem with body language is, even though you might learn these key factors, you might get to caught up in it that you forget to enjoy the moment and be yourself. You see body language is a huge part of communication but so is dressing and the color chosen. The way you move or walk, all has big implication of how your body language is perceived.

Stay tuned for

----------- PART II DOES HE REALLY LIKE ME?? Male body language
----------- PART III Dating Body Langauge

Take Care,
Dr Yorkette

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Dealing with Wanting What You Don't Have

"Mommy I want that! wah wah wahhhhh!"... It's hard for me to picture myself today using those exact words to demand something from my mom these days. Why? Because I found ways of achieving the same result faster and easier. I found it easier to skip the middle man, my mom, and buy straight from the supplier, which is the store selling stuff! But I don't like doing that either, because all I'm really doing is changing where my needs are acquired from; Instead of my mom, it's a store. How about I have someone to do it for me! I can call someone to take care of all the transactions and dirty work that I don't want to do, and I end up with only what I want...but no, that wouldn't work either because I am back to where I started from, except I have someone taking the role of my mom....hmmm better yet how about I just stop myself from wanting anything and free myself from the cost of my actions.

On second thought, I don't think that would be very sane of me...There must be a middle ground to all of this.

Wanting what you don't have can be understood in a variety of ways, and only in rightly understanding the root of the need can we decide on the best coarse of action. The countless actions one might take in making a decision can be simplified into two plain frameworks. The first is "to act" and the second, I'm sure you guess it by now, is "to not act".

The first framework "to act" can be expanded and understood as the effort made to acquire a need. During this action I would be cycling through a constant thought process to acquire and fulfill what I want, and then as what I want changes I repeat the cycle again. This cycle can become a problem if I let it become one, or it might not. For instance I might repetitively strive to reach a changing idea of perfection, or it could have a positive effect and I just might reach what I am really after and be truly happy.

Thoughts such as world domination come into mind or something like being the highest achiever in class, or how about what I want is some real dark chocolate instead of all the sugary stuff they pass around at Halloween. All of these things are things are what I want, and nothing is impossible...Not even real dark chocolate from Switzerland. What is important here is not what I want but the underlying need or motivation for all these wants, which is satisfaction.

On the other hand there is my second choice which is "to not act". The irony is that I would have to consciously make an effort to not act. In other words, I would have to restrain myself when I want something. I would have to become patient, and understanding and I would have to build a sense of contentment and humility. This can be very hard to do! Am I supposed to be happy with margarine when what I really want is butter? Or am I supposed to only be happy with dominating my immediate surrounding, instead of having the entire world in my hands?

What I believe to be is the correct answer to making a choice between "acting" and "not acting", first comes down to a difficult choice in correctly identifying what is right and what is wrong. Before I make this decision I should already know the consequences of my actions by asking myself how they affect me and others. This requires a great deal of foresight through a greater deal of knowledge, and unfortunately I don't have enough of either, nor will I ever posses the greatest of either. Since that is the reality of my dilemma I should also be prepared for my unseen errors and apologizing for them. Now that I understand that my choices result in unpredictable consequences, I should be thankful for what I have and move forward from here very carefully. This progress should lessen my emotions of greed or selfishness and that will stop me from the making the wrong choices as much as possible.

Easier said than done in the heat of the moment...I better practice.

Can anyone see how this can be applied to wanting someone?

Thanks for reading,

By the way I read all your comments, even if they are misspelled, and I am influenced by them to decide on what to post next, so keep them coming.

Saturday, November 10, 2007

3 Easy Steps to Get The Guy You Want

Relatively speaking getting a guy is easy, and this should be easy, but lets go through how to get the guy you want because it's always a fun topic to talk about

1) Are You His Type
Any average guy knows his likes and dislikes, and what he's looking for and not looking for, are all one and the same. That's why any girl that believes that all guys want her is just plain egotistical. All it takes is some alcohol, or a lack of options for him to decide "I'm going to talk to her" or whatever. So this is not the problem. Repeat after me: This is not a problem.

2) Are You Approachable
Do you have the basic down? Are you going out? No? Stop reading this and get off the computer and go to the mall or whatever.

Lets say for argument sake that you're not a slut. Now I know that you know this already. I assume it's common knowledge, but if you want the quick and cheap answer, the answer is easy. Drink up. Drink to the point that you don't reject anyone, because most girls when they complain about not meeting the right guy it's because they have so much baggage from previous relationships that they build up a wall to protect themselves from every guy...including the right one.

You don't believe me? Ask the majority of wives out there and they'll tell you that they weren't interested in their husband the first time he approached them. Convinced yet? I didn't think so. So I'll tell you the hard way. The hard way takes a lot of courage and it involves that you look at your own self and say...I'm taking this "I'm worth it" thing a little too far, I should give him a chance. No, I'm not saying go out and wear that push up bra and hooker boots with a short skirt and open your legs to everyone for a chance to meet Mr. Right. What I am saying is that you don't know what you want as much as you think you do. What you should do is to get to know a lot more guys without assuming that there is any pressure of sex, and if there is then say 'good bye'.

3) Reevaluate Your Needs
I think its time for an exercise. READY? Here it is.

Write down the top 5 things that you are looking for in a man.
*give yourself a minute to think about it*

  • Fun
  • Easy going
  • Someone I get along with
don't count as real answers by the way.
All done? Good. I'm sure #1 was easy and #2 was almost as easy, and you probably got as far as #3 but gave up at #4 and #5. Now time for the exercise. Scratch off #1 from the list...What do you have left? What you have left is nothing worth your time. My point? When looking for a guy, look for someone that satisfies your #1 need, and leave the rest to dating and send me an email with a picture of you and your next bf.

Thanks for reading,

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

What do girls really mean when they say...


and although this is a generalization, that means its true in most cases.

Guys generally don't know what a girl is thinking, especially the younger guys. So here's a couple of easy tips for the younger generations.

What do girls really mean when they say...
Yes means maybe. You read that right. Guys might find this hard to believe but a "Yes" to any answer might as well mean "I am feeling like saying Yes at the moment". When the time comes to act, you'll see that their Yes really doesn't mean Yes at all, and what you end up doing is trying to convince them all over again that what they said yes to in the first place is actually worth saying Yes to. For example:
guy: "Hi, do you like pancakes?"
girl: "yes, they are so yummy they are my favorite"
guy: "how about we meet for pancakes tomorrow"
girl: "that sounds like fun! call me tomorrow"
(guy calls)
guy: "hi, hungry for some pancakes?"
girl: "hi, sorry my sister's friend came over and told me that she needs me at her house in an hour to bake a cake with her for a baby shower next weekend, maybe next time"

What do girls really mean when they say...
ahhh the maybe, my favourite. All you have to do is replace the word maybe with the word no. Its that straight forward. Thats right "maybe" equals "no". It my favourite because at the point the girl says maybe, she is trying very hard not to come off as a bad person. Social consequences play a big role here. She is in other words being polite. Other forms of maybe are: "I'll think about it", "we'll see what happens", "if i'm not busy", etc. (the more "maybe's" or similar terms is said the stronger the No. For example:
girl: "hey whats up"
guy: "not much you?"
girl: "oh not much the usual"
guy: "cool, are you going to class?"
girl: "maybe"
guy: "ya i know how you feel, i was thinking of skipping class too. want to meet at 3?"
girl: "maybe, we'll see what happens, i might have my mom picking me up early"
guy: "your mom? how about i drive you?"
girl: "no, thats ok, but thanks for the offer"

What do girls really mean when they say...
No = convince me
If you don't know it by now everyone loves a challenge, so it's not hard to figure out that what in fact is being said is "convince me that you are worth me changing my mind". Go figure, but its actually easy to understand why. In there infinite wisdom, girls need a compelling reason to act on a Yes, because when they do, they have made themselves vulnerable to all the bad emotional feelings that they don't want to feel. For example:
guy: "you won't believe what i found in the glove compartment of my car this morning!"
girl: "what?!?"
guy: "you wouldn't believe it if i told you...
girl: "what? tell me!"
guy: "i'm telling you you won't belive me! stop bugging me about it :P hehe. Lets just say i found a gift certificate for $200"
girl: "ya right, you found $200!"
guy: "ya its hard to believe, but i'm so lucky! i bought this car last weekend off of some rich dude that was buying a fun BMW"
girl: "oh my gosh I would go straight to the mall and spend that money all on shoes!!"
guy: "THAT'S A GREAT IDEA...quick! Come with me to the mall and lets spend it, other wise I got to go...I'll give you 5 seconds to decide...5..4,3"
girl: "ok lets go! i haven't been to the mall in a while"

So what should you have taken from this post? No, its not that malls and girls go together like stick and a puck, or even that girls emotions decide how they behave. What you should take from this is: Action speaks louder than words. (so digg it!)

Sunday, November 4, 2007

Want & Sex

SERIES 1 : Chapter 1 : Want & Sex

Do YOU know what it really means to WANT something or someone? According to Wikipedia --- "A want is something desired, distinct from a need which is something that is necessary. It's said that we have unlimited wants, but limited supplied resources. Thus, we can't have everything we want and must look for the best alternatives. This may be distressing to some people and may lead to depression which can be avoided if other people can give them their original wants so long as it's not a great burden on others. People usually carry the tendency to have a strong desire to obtain something. This desire, known as "want" has been established since the beginning of life. There is an often stated quote, "You always want what you can't have." It is meaning that after we have something, it is no longer a want, so we move onto the next 'want' on our list.

In the next series of journal entries I’m going to discuss "What Women Really Want" as well, what we really mean when say or do something. I have learned through social psychology, observation, male - female interaction just how diverse the mind works in both sexes. The first step is to understand that chemically men and women are built differently. Difference in hormones and Ph levels cause both genders to behave and think distinctively.
For example, a chocolate cake is placed on a table for observation. A man and a woman will both stare at the cake, but the information absorbed from both genders will be completely different. Even though they are both looking at the same cake, individually, their mind will produce different sensory responses to the visual (sight), olfactory (smell), salivary (taste) and sex glands. Chocolate is considered a psychoactive food associated to sex. I will discuss more in a later series.

My next series will be called, "What Is She Really Thinking..." It will be based on how women dress and where they choose to go and finally, what they are thinking when starring at you.
The signs are all there…all you have to do is pay attention to her body language, her articulation and the subtle hints that escape her mouth.

Women need communication to express their problems, men prefer resistance. Here is a perfect example: A study done by James Erskine, a psychologist, asked 134 undergraduates to either suppress or express their thoughts about eating chocolate for five minutes, then to help themselves to chocolates. The results are quite fascinating, because female subjects who thought about snacking ate five chocolates, but those who suppressed those thoughts ate eight chocolates. Can you guess the results for the males? Interestingly, male subjects ate more chocolates when told to express their thoughts about chocolate. I will discuss this in copious later on amongst conversational differences of sexes. Now imagine all the arguments this might have saved if women knew this about men!!

I'm going on a tangent, now replace chocolate with sex and summerize the results. Females are just as bad if not worse in this category as males are. The only difference because of social reasons females are not suppose to discuss sex... its creates the big "SLUT" factor to pop up. Read the next chapter, you might realise the hints women throw out about sex and attraction.

Stay tuned for the next chapter in my series ---- WHAT IS SHE REALLY THINKING!

Yours Truly,

Dr Yorkette